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Communication

Clear communication is an important part of assertiveness. This is where you show:

  1. knowledge - you are able to understand and summarise the situation
  2. feelings - you can explain your feelings about the situation
  3. needs - you are able to explain clearly what you want or need, giving your reasons and any benefits to the other party

Assertive communication

It isn't "what you say" that counts but it is the "way you say" it that matters. It helps to:

  1. be honest with yourself about your own feelings
  2. keep calm and stick to the point
  3. be clear, specific and direct
  4. if you meet objections, keep repeating your message whilst also listening to the other's point of view. Try to offer alternative solutions if you can ask, if you are unsure about something
  5. if the other person tries to create a diversion, point this out calmly and repeat your message
  6. use appropriate body language
  7. always respect the rights and point of view of the other person

ACTIVITY

With a friend, practise being assertive in certain work situations, such as refusing to accept additional work or having to give constructive criticism to a colleague. Explain the scenario to your friend. Using role play, go through the situation, making your points clearly with your friend responding as the other person.

Afterwards, ask your friend to tell you what went well and where you could make improvements.

Try the situation again. Then swap roles to see the other person's perspective. Once you have practiced being more assertive, think through your new techniques before entering a situation that requires assertiveness. Imagine your body language, work out how to deliver your message clearly. Imagine how you will react to any possible responses

Adapted from BUPA's Health Information Team April 2004